Tuesday, July 15, 2008

My..........


I go to bed with you.
In the flickering light of the night lamp,
I see your hazy self,
And embrace slumber in your arms.

When I unlock my eyes in the mornings you are gone, no where in sight
But you assure me of your presence when I am up on my feet.

You never leave me to myself,
When I falter you falter,
When I laugh, you laugh
And my tears make you cry.

When you are gone for that part of the day,
I look around and smile,
You leave me only when you are sure I am not alone.

In the solitude of that corner in my room,
We drink together sip after sip.
I have never seen you smile,
Nor have I looked into your eyes,
Yet you constantly remind me, let me know,
You will never let go, even when I breathe no more.
My shadow.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Aamar Shona

“What is sit? What is it?” Gopal’s eyes lit with joy when he heard the baby cry. “Tell me doctor Sahib, why are you quiet? Is, is it a girl”? The doctor remained quiet. “Yes I knew it! I just knew it! Had to be a boy!” exclaimed Gopal’s mother. “I had told her during the fourth month of her pregnancy, when she was eating a lot of spicy food, it was a sign! Oh! Where is the light of my house doctor sahib, where is my daughter? It’s a boy isn’t it?” She chuckled!
“No”, the doctor said.

“It’s not a boy it’s not a girl then what is it? Is it a ...”, before gopal could complete his sentence the doctor nodded his head.
You are joking doctor, I didn’t mean to, what the hell is going on here? I want to see my wife. I want to see the baby.

“Mr Gupta I know what you are going through but your wife needs rest”.
“You know what I am going through? you know eh? You know how much money I had to spend, how many tests, operations later Rekha conceived, nine years after our marriage, and now you tell me she gave birth to a godforsaken…”

“Mr Gupta, this is a hospital”. “You can’t stop me from seeing my wife” he screamed and barged into her room.”Gopal” she murmured as tears rolled down her eyes. “This is not my.. This is not mine”, he screamed pointing towards the infant whose first words were those of his father disowning him! “Gopal” she murmured again, this time with shock, “the doctor said its because of the excessive treatment you made me go through, he was”, before she could complete what she was saying Gopal’s mother barged into her room and started screaming at her, “first you give berth to this thing and then blame my son! God should have left you barren. Oh Durga! What shame this woman has brought to the family! Where did I go wrong with all my offerings? Aamaar pran niye nao Ma, niye nao!!”

It was the thunderous applaud that brought Rekha back to the present. It had been twenty one years since that day when kamal her son was born. Gopal had agreed to stay with the “cursed woman”, as she was famously called by her mother in law on condition that the “thing” be done away with. Rekha had made up her mind. She was traditional, not weak. She went to stay with her parents.

She sat in the midst of crowds and parents wondering, for the umpteenth time, why had the doctor not explained to gopal that kamal was a boy despite his physical condition? Had his education not overcome his backwardness? She had moved to her parents place but her life there as well was soon made miserable. Gopal had spread the word. Taunting sympathy of her relatives seemed undying. Relatives said they were sorry. “Sorry? Sorry for what? Is my son blind? Is he mentally disbalanced? can he not talk?” rekha would tell them. “Look at her!! Humph!! Very educated! This is what happens! She wants us to tell her what is wrong with her so called “son”!!

Her father soon gave in, to the mob mentality. Rekha had had enough. She left kolkata and shifted to the adjoining Kharagpur. Kamal grew up to be a handsome young man. The sounds of applause grew louder. Rekha peeped up from the fourth row of the auditorium of one the countries best engineering institutes, to see Kamal receive his degree. “That’s my son” he told the woman sitting next to her, when the Dean announced Kamal’s name, adding that he topped his batch.

Not many people knew where Rekha and her son came from and why in twenty one years of their stay in Kharagpur no one ever came to visit them. Rekha did call her masi once sometime back to ask about "Baba". Her "Masi" had informed her about Gopal’s second marriage and after a year about his third futile attempt. She had cried the first time, but on the second she asked "Masi" to “wish him luck”. She had realised by then that Gopal was not worthy if her tears.

Kamal finished his MBA and found himself a job. He also found someone else!
After lifting his mother off the ground, after showing her his appointment letter he touched her feet and said, “There is something else I want you to know, I want you to meet a friend, a very special friend, I want you to meet Neil”. Rekha froze for a moment. She would probably have not reacted this way had kamal shown any kind of sighs earlier. He was not into sports, which is beside the point, not all men are born Federers!! He did not have a girl friend, yes, but she had often caught him eyeing Mrs Sharma’s daughter at weddings!!

“Neel!?” beta I did not think,, you never told me,,do not take me wrong but I ,umm”. “Maa!!” he smiled. “Neil, neelima girl!” they had a good laugh after that. Rekha though had something else on her mind.

“She will be here any moment Ma”. “Shona, sit with me here for a while, I want to ask you something. does Neil, I mean neelima know about,,aah,”.
Kamal chuckled real loud this time and seeing his mother amazed said, “No Ma! Contrary to what you may have in mind, I have not gone mad. Neelima is a very different girl, from the ones in the overdramatic soap operas that you are so used to seeing. You ask her the same question and see what she says. My only request. Don’t faint after her reply!!”.

And Rekha well, she did not faint; infact did quite well, when Neelima told her straight, “Aunty, who cares! It’s so much easier to live with a man who is man enough to accept facts and not cheat people. I mean who would have the (yes the forbidden “B” word was used) to proclaim to a girl about such a thing!! "

Yes, they got married soon after and Rekha became a proud grand mother of two adopted grandchildren!!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

.

OK.
i tried, i swear i did, but my brain is dead.
i just cant write , or think, or imagine or be creative.
life is super static. People have lost all hope in me, they've even started de-blog rolling me!!wow!!
i have never felt so useless all my life!! college is over and life sucks!!
pray! pray for me fellow bloggers, pray for my brain to live again.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

E-mail from Nera

hello all, Nera the cat asked me to send this reply to Rut the rat, please tell him abt it if you see him anytime....here is the letter that he had sent to her.. http://scarletconfab.blogspot.com/2008/05/with-all-love-in-world.html

Yo dude Rut…ssup!!!
Sorry for da late reply,,,,,the letter smelled really good,,kinda licked it all up, chewed it and then realized, damn, it was paper. sent it to the laundry to wash it and get it ironed.
Before anything else, my mum kinda got hyper reading “I lay my eyes on your soft furry coat that shines under the moonlight like a glistening cape of black diamonds” part and she said she wants to have a little tete a tete wid ya buddy!!
Anyway, jack and I are history, he lost all mah love when he failed to get you to me. I was so hungry that day. He’s’ not half a tom cat, jerk. say hi to tod man, and tell him he tastes real nice!! his tail does at least.
see dude, I m not the honey sugar kinda gurl, more of a ssup kinds, so plz keep the honey ,the sugar far away from me!! gives me yuck feelings.
U r quite a soft guy for a man, and im quite darin, so ya may be we cud get along. I hate cheese btw!!
And du’uh!! Who are u kiddin eh?? The garbage can?? I m a chic feline, bathe in catthol and shampoo mah self daily with catene, you don’t expect me to c ya near that freakin bin do ya??
So well I will see ya and let ya present your case. are you like a Shakespeare freak too?? coz I aint understand ntin of that fella man!!
oh ya dude, just remember to get some salt and pepper wid yaw en u come. C u at the hungry cats corner at 11 sharp. will be waitin wid all mah friends wid my paws open. mueaaaauuuh
Love and all that cute jazz
Nera ..yo!!

Monday, May 19, 2008

My better half and I...the journey so far.....








We met at this festival…our eyes met, jab we met! and we could hear violins playing around us, there was love in the air and….and…..WAKE UP!! None of the aforesaid bull shit happened. Ours is a tale of a different kind!! so, for those who want to know, read the following poem (if one may call it so, lets just call it a limerick, I am still uncertain though) and, well, the rest is for you to ponder upon……




We have been together for a year and a half now
We’ve not had even a squabble since,
Many marvel how?

We think of the same things and even say the same things at the same time,
according to the Indian constitution (if you have a dirty mind and if you know what I am talking about),
you will probably think this is a crime!!


We can talk to each other for hours without getting bored,
About anything at all,From career decisions to why the hell did the chicken cross the road!(Note- forced rhyme)




We have laughed together, cried together even traveled together,
Irrespective of what so ever is the weather!
(Note-forced rhyme again!!)


We understand each other to the core
I couldn’t have asked god for more.


It troubles one to see a mark of worry on the others face,
Our bond is getting stronger by god’s grace!


My better half is a part of me now,
Can’t think of life without you dear!


The journey for us has just begun,
The future will bring us even more near!!


(Disclaimer- do not rate my literary skills on this piece.
if you have a raised eyebrow, You have a dirty mind.
We are both straight n single! however, not ready to mingle!! )

Monday, May 5, 2008

LIFELESS......


The dishes lie in the kitchen sink.
The unclean clothes in the dryer,
The coffee in the mug has gone cold
I can see wrinkles on it when I touch its surface .

There is a usual sigh here and there
But I don’t like to pretend and be heard
I cry. My soul cries. But no one hears me.
I don’t let them

It shatters me. Your absence
It tears me apart. Your hope
It strangles me to death. That thought…..

The tea pan is still on the stove; it’s empty now and is burning,
But you, you’re too far away somewhere to be bothered.

It’s dark, very dark in broad daylight,
It’s very lonely on the crowded street,
It’s very dim. The bright sun.
When there is no where for me to run….

Stop it! This wait.
It makes me want to live.
Kill it!! This time.
It forces me to hope.

I am battered and bruised,
Yet not a mark on me.
The outer me is flawless
The inner me, lifeless.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

ANKAHEE....



BEWARE!! THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT URDU POETRY, I DONT KNOW IF U WILL SURVIVE READING THIS!!

Tanhaaee kya hai?
Tanhaaee gar kabhie akelepan ka dariya hai, to kabhi khud ko samajhne ka zariya.
Kabhie ek pal bhi tanhaaee me guzar nahee paataa hai
To kabhie is tanhaaee me bahut mazaa aata hai.
Tanhaee ko akelaapan samajhne kee ghalti karne vaalo,
Shor o gul se door, isee tanhaaee mein to, insaan apne aapko,
Apnee hee maujoodgi ka ehsaas dilaa paata hai!!

Aasoon kya hain??
khushi ho ya gham, ye kabhie bhi jhalak jaate hain
kabhi rote ki, to kabhi haste ki aankho me nazar aate hain.
duniya ke tano ke darr se, kabhie log inhe aakhon ka kachda keh kar chupa lete hain,
to kabhie apne dard ko chupa, inhe khushi ke aasuon mein tabdeel kar lete hain!!


Andhera kya hai?
Andhera gar gham ke baadlon ka gehra saaya hai,
to andhere mein hee roshni ka raaz bhi samaayaa hai.
Andhere mein gum hote, andhere se darte logon,
aaj ka andhera hee to kal kee roshni ka paighaam laayaa hai!!


Yaad kya hai??
Bhool kar cheezon ko yaad kiya jata hai,
bhool kar jab koi bahut yaad aata hai,
chehra jab uska aakhon mein aasoon le aata hai,
tab dil dhikkar ke kehta hai, “aye dost, tujhe koi haq nahi use yaad karne ka,
yaad to use kiya jaataa hai jise ye dil kabhie bhula bhi pataa hai”


Khaamoshi kya hai??
Khaamoshi ek anjaanaa ehsaas hai,
phir bhi lagta jaana pehchaana saa ankahaa raaz hai.
is ehsaas ko, raaz ko kuch kehte hue hai maine suna!!
log to aaj bolte ko khaamosh kar dete hain
maine to khaamoshi ko baate karte hue hai suna!!